Browsing Tag

one year old

Some thoughts you may have when your baby turns one

  • ????
  • ??!?!?!
  • ??!?!??!?!?!!!?!???!?!!!!?!?!?!?!?!???!?!??!?!?!!!?!???!?!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!?!?!?!
  • One? He’s not one. I just had him.
  • *Counts on fingers* Oh god, he’s one.
  • He’s got a full head of hair and he can talk. He’s definitely one.
  • (I mean, he only shouts “Google Doodle” at the furniture and calls me “Len”, but that’s talking, right?)
  • That means I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in a whole year.
  • Which would explain why I look so much younger and more charismatic in these birth photos.
  • Remember when he was born, and they handed him to you, and you stupidly said “Oh, it’s a baby,” as though you’d been expecting a washing machine delivery instead?
  • Remember how you couldn’t understand that there had been a person living inside you for nine months?
  • Remember how much like a removed internal organ he looked when he first came out?
  • And also my grandmother?
  • Remember how small and fragile he was, like some intricate artwork made of rice paper and air?
  • Remember his snuffling, and his long, elegant fingers, and the tiny grunting noises he made?
  • *Inarticulate, maternal, hormonal oh-god-my-baby-waaah emotions*
  • *Brief pause while your one-year-old charges at you and bashes you about the face with a spittle-soaked Sophie the Giraffe*
  • Am I a terrible mother for missing the newborn version of this?
  • We shouldn’t have a party. He won’t remember it.
  • We should have a party. I want some booze.
  • We should have a party featuring all the things he likes.
  • Wait, he only likes cardboard boxes, remote controls, heights, cords, cutlery, my phone and my boobs.
  • We should have a party with big foil balloons, instead.
  • Big foil balloons that say “001”, because “1” on its own is too lame.
  • Jesus Christ. A year.
  • That’s a year of nappies, a year of rocking him to sleep, a year of breastfeeding, a year of only showering every other day.
  • A year of waking up to a slightly changed baby. Smiling, laughing, crawling, standing, walking. A year of firsts.
  • Pretty soon he’ll stop breastfeeding. And he’ll have to go into his own bed.
  • It won’t be long before he’s too big to cradle.
  • He’s already a toddler and shedding his baby habits.
  • He’s already crawling away from me to explore the world.
  • I’m already missing my baby.
  • *Tears*
  • But what will the next year bring?
  • Reading together?
  • Hearing him say my name?
  • Splashing in puddles?
  • Having conversations about dinosaurs?
  • Pushing him on the swings?
  • Being told that he loves me?
  • And potty training?
  • Oh man, I’m feeling too many emotions.
  • I think I understand why people have first birthday parties.
  • Bring on the booze!