Some thoughts you may have when your baby turns one

  • ????
  • ??!?!?!
  • ??!?!??!?!?!!!?!???!?!!!!?!?!?!?!?!???!?!??!?!?!!!?!???!?!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!?!?!?!
  • One? He’s not one. I just had him.
  • *Counts on fingers* Oh god, he’s one.
  • He’s got a full head of hair and he can talk. He’s definitely one.
  • (I mean, he only shouts “Google Doodle” at the furniture and calls me “Len”, but that’s talking, right?)
  • That means I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in a whole year.
  • Which would explain why I look so much younger and more charismatic in these birth photos.
  • Remember when he was born, and they handed him to you, and you stupidly said “Oh, it’s a baby,” as though you’d been expecting a washing machine delivery instead?
  • Remember how you couldn’t understand that there had been a person living inside you for nine months?
  • Remember how much like a removed internal organ he looked when he first came out?
  • And also my grandmother?
  • Remember how small and fragile he was, like some intricate artwork made of rice paper and air?
  • Remember his snuffling, and his long, elegant fingers, and the tiny grunting noises he made?
  • *Inarticulate, maternal, hormonal oh-god-my-baby-waaah emotions*
  • *Brief pause while your one-year-old charges at you and bashes you about the face with a spittle-soaked Sophie the Giraffe*
  • Am I a terrible mother for missing the newborn version of this?
  • We shouldn’t have a party. He won’t remember it.
  • We should have a party. I want some booze.
  • We should have a party featuring all the things he likes.
  • Wait, he only likes cardboard boxes, remote controls, heights, cords, cutlery, my phone and my boobs.
  • We should have a party with big foil balloons, instead.
  • Big foil balloons that say “001”, because “1” on its own is too lame.
  • Jesus Christ. A year.
  • That’s a year of nappies, a year of rocking him to sleep, a year of breastfeeding, a year of only showering every other day.
  • A year of waking up to a slightly changed baby. Smiling, laughing, crawling, standing, walking. A year of firsts.
  • Pretty soon he’ll stop breastfeeding. And he’ll have to go into his own bed.
  • It won’t be long before he’s too big to cradle.
  • He’s already a toddler and shedding his baby habits.
  • He’s already crawling away from me to explore the world.
  • I’m already missing my baby.
  • *Tears*
  • But what will the next year bring?
  • Reading together?
  • Hearing him say my name?
  • Splashing in puddles?
  • Having conversations about dinosaurs?
  • Pushing him on the swings?
  • Being told that he loves me?
  • And potty training?
  • Oh man, I’m feeling too many emotions.
  • I think I understand why people have first birthday parties.
  • Bring on the booze!
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4 Comments

  • Reply Haidy 29th January 2016 at 11:34 am

    Happy birthday, H!!! Happy birthing day to you, momma <3

  • Reply Katie 29th January 2016 at 1:13 pm

    Yep the first birthday party is definitely for the parents not the baby! We had plentiful booze and cakes (although we still do at our kids’ parties. Dry kids’ parties make no sense to me).

    Also, I went into a weird kind of mourning when Arrietty was born. I wasn’t depressed or anything, I just felt incredibly sad because I remembered what Cecily had been like at the same age and realised how much I missed my first baby. This sounds insane I know, but a friend had the same thing- you feel a strange kind of loss for the first baby while you’re falling in love with the second.

  • Reply Nicky 29th January 2016 at 6:29 pm

    My little girl turned one in December. I went to get her cake from the cake shop (I’m too busy/lazy/worried about the photos to MAKE ONE. Jeez, stop judging me) and when she showed me this lovely cake with a hungry caterpillar on top (because that’s what I tell people is her favourite book. Never mind her favourite is actually the first 1000 words one with no story or anything tangible in it…) I started to cry in the shop. And then I apologised by saying ‘it’s my baby’s first birthday… Snivel….’ To which she replied- ‘yes I know it’s her first birthday. I wrote ‘happy first birthday’ on the cake’
    Ahem.
    Well done us for making it through 12 months of this…. Err… Utter joy.

  • Reply Grams 29th January 2016 at 7:45 pm

    Lovely! Cheers for your son and hooray from an old broad who absolutely can’t wait for you to get back to writing.

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